I still don't quite understand what happened - what in N'rolav happened, I have no idea. But how am I supposed to feel when I'm suddenly told that a friend of mine died, while I was lying in bed, at peace? How am I supposed to feel? Happy? No, of course I can't! It isn't right - it isn't right that I didn't even see him before he went and got himself killed! So why do I refuse to cry? Why?

I can't bring myself to read Seph's journal, I don't even really want to know what happened - but at the same time I do. I...I just want to forget all this. Really.

**A page has been ripped out here**

No...no...that won't do. I need to say it properly.

When we both woke up on the shore, we sat there and rested, too exhausted to move on, our heads swimming with the memory of what had happened on the ship. All I could think about was how that man saved us, and all Seph could think about...I don't know what he was thinking about. Maybe I don't want to.

Finally, we stood and trudged through the field, filled with flowers and beauty and peace. Is there such a place in this world? Everything has to be tainted...every single little thing. That's why the forest stood on the horizon, like ugly black clouds all bunched together...and seeing it I felt the breath rip past my lungs...

I don't know what happened next very well. Seph looked into the darkness within and under the trees, and some creature...some creature...it glared at us from the depths of blackness, daring us to come in and stand on the same ground as itself. Before I knew it, it had pounced, and I felt something rip through my skin, and a scream ripped through my throat, and all was pain and agony.

I protested weakly, but Seph healed the wound, though I know it's just going to be another scar to add to my horrid memories.

What then? I told him the way around the forest, where it grows thin around those ghastly ruins that Tara and I had seen so many seasons ago. I led him to the thinnest part of the forest I could find, told him we had arrived and stepped into the darkness and...

Like I had written on the darn page I just tore out, I felt a hand clamp over my mouth and I couldn't breathe, a firmer hand grabbed my staff and forced it out of my grip and I was knocked over the head to be silent.

When I awoke, I was tied to one of the trees, and my head was bleeding. Through my blurred vision, I saw the crew of the ghost ship, and fear flowed through my veins like ice. The unshaven man looked up and saw me awake and he...

By Cory, what he did to me...he picked up a branch, with ghastly little twigs sticking out of it, and he started beating me, piercing my arms my legs and my front, and when the pain and agony was over, they were gone. All of them. And I noticed that sunlight had filtered its way through the thick canopy, and I knew that they had been chased away by it.

Somehow, I managed to free myself, I clumsily regained my staff and stumbled through the forest, drenched in blood, falling in mud, until I finally lost consciousness in the middle of the forest floor.

The cuts are still bleeding, but my senses have cleared. I needed to write all that had happened in you, to help me work out everything once my mind is clear. To help me find out what actually happened.

What I am on the outside is nothing compared to what I am on the inside...

**Drops of blood stain the page as they drip from her fingers**




[COLOR=red]Hear us now, our ring of truth, for battles before us yet to be done.[/COLOR]

I just had to know, and my having to know ended up with me attracting trouble. If there were no clouds, didn't that mean that there would be no storm? If there was no storm, didn't that mean that the ship would be safe? But no. The ship would be safe of course, but would Seph and I be safe? No.

I rushed out onto the ship's deck, my eyes fixed on the sky, my lips silently pleading to Cory that the sky would be clear, the crew singing and laughing...but they just watched me, ever so shrewdly, and there was this one man with an unshaven face, who just watched me more intently than the others...

I rushed back to Seph and we quickly walked away from the crew. I told him about what had happened the last two times that I had been on the ship, and he did his best to reassure me. I trudged back dejectedly to my cabin and curled up on the bed like a little animal that has no home. And then, a second later, Seph was banging on the door.

From here, it just doesn't make sense. Seph was saying something about murder, and it seemed to take forever for me to suddenly realise what that meant. The staff slipped in my hands, I couldn't hold it properly and I shook like a bunny about to be killed...

And then - oh Cory - the door just fell down and a man fell in, a dagger through his back, and everything around him was turning crimson - just a little puddle, slowly growing...I'm used to seeing my own blood, but I suddenly realised as if cold water had been dumped over my head, that this man must have tried to protect us. And as my eyes shot up, I saw that unshaven man, and I felt fear like I had never felt before. Why? I'm used to seeing demons, participating in raids, attempting to beat back pure evil...why did I feel such fear, just gazing into that man's face?

Oh, but Seph - I don't know whether he was brave or just plain foolish - he just threw himself at that unshaven man and struggled with him. I lost every ounce of sanity and control left in me and before I knew it, lightning was lancing through the cabin, and by Cory, I thought it might hit Seph and I couldn't stop screaming, even though I just felt like sobbing...

But what I truly won't forget, is as the man who had the dagger through him, slowly got up on one elbow. I thought he had died, and I don't think Seph saw him get up, but I did. And he was just so young, and he didn't deserve to live a life like that unshaven man. He seemed so human, yet he wasn't human, it was like he was a corpse, a perfect corpse. Not a smile on his face, not a twinkle in his eye...

But before I knew it, everything was black, and I was on that beach near home, the sand in my eyes and my hands burned raw. And now, for some reason, the scar on my head is burning with such an intense pain, as is the scar under my shoulder, and I just want to cry...

Oh Cory - I know there's just going to be something more. Why did I come to this land of chaos? Why had I never realised what my home has become?




[COLOR=Red]When evil trembles skin, fear’s overwhelming, Gods grant us friendship, a comrade nearby. Alone, we be poor things, weak and worthless. Alone we aren’t, for friendship true shines, and in mighty hordes, rank ever swelling, let our friends hold us true, hope against evil times.[/COLOR]

Seph and I are on a ship at the moment, and I find myself thinking back to when I had last made this voyage. It seems to be going smoother than before, but I don't really know what happened last voyage. If it was shipwrecked, why didn't I find the remains of the ship? Why was I washed ashore alone? It's probably just me...the shipwreck was probably further down the coast...

My fear seems to strike me hardest during the night. During the day, I go out onto the deck and lean against the rail and smell the sea and look at the sky and smile to myself. Seph always watches as well - he just watches the waves, ever so calmly. It's just so...tranquil. But the crew, they are...odd, to say the least. There's just something very strange about them, and I can't help but remember what happened last time I felt like that. And it doesn't help that during the night, I hear the waves against the ship and start shivering in my bed, unable to control my nightmares.

There hasn't been any sign of cloud or anything, so this voyage should go smoothly...I just hope it does. It's fun, feeling Sunrifter's light frolicking across my upturned face, but during the night...when I remember the day I nearly drowned...the rain I stood in when I ran away, crying my eyes out...how could I have ever considered water a friend?

Right now, I'm sitting in my cabin. Even if it's day, I don't want to go out on deck. I don't want to look at the crew. It just doesn't feel right.

**This seems to have been added later.**

[COLOR=Red]Let the great fire come into our hearts and souls purifying the darkness found within.[/COLOR]

I'm leaving Valorn with Seph to go back home, to sort things out. I found out that his home was very close to mine, and that we practically lived within sight of each other, but never knew...

We need to go back home, to sort things out. I'll miss Valorn.

Ermin xxx

He promised me he wouldn't leave, and he said he would stay. He said it would go back to what it used to be. But somehow I know that he'll have to go someday, and I know that I'll go with him, whether I like it or not. But, by Cory, I was such a cry-baby...all I could do was cry and tell him I wouldn't let him go there...I couldn't even give a decent explanation why...

He promised me. Please, please let him keep his promise.

**One, solitary tear manages to stain this page.**

Well, I got 200 plat from the poetry contest I entered, held by the Unity of Light. Which means I was able to buy some potions, and hopefully I will earn enough to buy some new armour for my next level. I still feel tired, though.

Fall Festival is in full swing, at least. Zombies asking for candyballs, fake Criers calling out that the same zombies are roaming the streets...it's funny, really amusing, but it can tire you out.

I'm also exchanging messenger birds with Seph and Trip at the moment. Trip seems to have returned from yet another trip, and I can't really get myself to be nice towards him. I keep on sending out these cynical replies, and I hate myself for it. Especially since I sent out the bird to him first!

Things have been going better with Seph. He seems more relaxed, and at one point, I think I really got muddled up. I just kept blushing and didn't know what to say, and I felt embarrassed and all that. I feel awfully silly, looking back on it all.

So, off to crystal-hunt and train and farm, I suppose.

Ermin xxx

My plat pouch is slowly - ever so slowly - filling up. I look at the 15 platinum coins in my pouch, and tell myself that it's at least 6 more than before!

Fall Festival has begun, and I saw a God in Cerbie's, and a bos came to talk to me. It was rather funny and amusing, and made me envy those who had found the Fall Festival tokens. Maybe that was why I went to the desert to farm - in hope that I'd find a token as well!

Well, no such luck anyway. I haven't seen Seph in a while, and Sylkie isn't awake at the moment. I keep on remembering that day when he asked me to bond....

He got down on one knee!

And I've been feeling a bit better...but I still feel a bit compressed, stretched tight - but I feel like I've been let lax a bit. I feel exhausted, but I will push on.

Ermin xxx

He said I was the best, and that he wanted to be with me forever. Who knew that one conversation with Sylkie would lift me up above the Sunrifter? But now that I sit in the R&R Resort, everything comes back to me. Sylkie told me that I should relax and not work so hard, and I want to listen, but can I?

I finger the rose in my hair and think with a gentle smile, just how Sylkie caught my negative vibe and saw that I didn't look too well. He said I seemed distracted recently, so I confessed my troubles to him. He listened and consoled me, and I felt better.

We don't have to bond to be together. That's what I said to him. If we don't find a cleric, it doesn't matter. We'll still be together, and that's all that matters.

I love you, Sylkie.

[COLOR=Red]♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥[/COLOR]

I feel the wind through my hair
And the rain on my face.
They feel like tears from the air
Broken hearts from space,
Wandering through life
And finding those who suffer
And who are in strife.

If you were not there for me,
Where would I stand?
Somewhere I cannot see
Without your hand.
Somewhere to be free
But with quick-sand.
I love you.

[COLOR=Red]♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥[/COLOR]

Ermin xxx

As I wake up from the depths of a seemingly never-ending sleep, I look over at Seph, lying beside me, the brim of the hat I gave him pulled over his eyes. He just looks so peaceful and relaxed as he sleeps, so unlike what he was when he was awake.

I hate Ariannah for doing this to him, turning him into a wreck who doesn't know what to do, a wreck that made me want to cry, because I didn't know how to help him. But he was really crying, and it broke my heart to see him doing so. All I could do was hug him and shush him and tell him not to talk about it, and does that really ever help?

So I gave him the figurine I had carved out of a mire gem for him...it was actually based on him. A tiny little replica of him, that I had meant to give to him much earlier, but had not been able to. He smiled when he saw it, and it just meant everything to me to see him smile again.

And so we lie in the Amazon R&R Resort, sleeping. Only I can't, because my mind is plagued with thoughts of Seph. My whole life seems to be stretched so tight, split between training, farming, crystal-hunting, taking part in raids and attempting to console Seph. I feel like I've lost myself in it - I've lost what I want to do...and that's spend time with Sylkie, the man who I truly love. He seems to be sleeping a lot lately, and all I want to do is scream to the world. Scream and cry and just pull all my hair out. It's like I'm choking underwater, unable to breathe, stretched so tight, feeling the pressure on my shoulders. I want to be kind and helpful, but in attempting to be that, I'm sacrificing myself. I am human, and I can't take all this without feeling so terrible! I want to help Seph, but everything I'm taking off his shoulders is going onto my shoulders!

I just want to cry...I just want to drown myself in the stream next to me...but I'm just clawing at every single excuse I've got to remain the kind-hearted, forever-listening friend who seemingly has nothing else to worry about!

**The journal has been slammed shut, indicated by the bent corners of the page.**

It just feels so good to stand by and watch a troubled friend slowly start to smile again, and slowly start to laugh again, and to see his stiff, untrusting demeanor relax and turn friendly once more. It warms my heart and I can't resist smiling back at my one true friend.

I don't think anyone can get any closer to me than Seph, except maybe Sylkie. But not even the sister of my heart, nor Skyls or anyone - I don't know. Maybe it's because Seph has been there from the beginning of my time in Valorn, right until now, always my friend. Only, we've gotten closer in many ways since then.

I find myself unconsciously waiting for him to wake up, so that we can share another laugh and another memory, storing it in the depths of our hearts. I find myself going to rest while thinking just how much closer we got today, and it warms my heart all over again.

So this entry is a dedication to Seph, my best friend forever.


[COLOR=Red]♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥[/COLOR]

Friends are more than
Just a part in your life,
They are more than
Someone to make you wife.
They are your heart
And your soul,
They play a part
Everytime you fall,
By saving you
From the depths of insanity,
Forever true,
Saving you from vanity.
Friends are forever,
Friends are wherever.

[COLOR=Red]♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥[/COLOR]


Ermin xxx

Lug's come back! Whoo!

And I levelled! Whoo!

Well, that's two great pieces of wonderful news off my chest...I can't help but feel so happy and float. Unfortunately, there's also the bad news.

Herosci just won't learn. Seph said he was sure that he would leave me be after what I told him...but I had to say it outright that I didn't like him. It was almost like I was telling him to back off or something...it makes me cringe.

Forget the bad things, Ermin...rejoice in the good things!

Ermin xxx

I can't believe he would have the guts and the courage to actually say it to my face. I hate him! Doesn't he know that? I hate that little bastard! I wish he had never come back now, after all he had done to me before. Trying to bond me when we weren't even together? And now attempting to say that he still liked me after...after...oh my. I just had this immense feeling of satisfaction when I told him I was already going to get bonded, and to see his disappointment...

Am I cruel? I don't really think so. I just think he's really thick.

Ermin xxx

Well, Kilican Beach is certainly a painful spot for me. I decided to take a break from the tombs and try out the beach. It all resulted in utter chaos at the beginning!

I took the ferry to Kilican and rushed around attempting to find whoever was selling potions, and finally found the man, wasting at least a marc.

And then finally, when I was setting out to trek over the beach, Jezz alerted me that she had found a GCG. I quickly set out, only to be killed!

I sent out a messenger bird to Jezzara, explaining the circumstances. She was patient, so I waited until I could move again. A kind man enchanted me, and I once again set off towards the GCG. And then, before I knew it - wham! I had gotten killed again!

And as I sat up at the life monument, I looked in my letter pouch, and found a note from the kind man. He was alerting me that I was fighting with my carafe of wine! My carafe of wine! What was I thinking?!

How come I didn't realise that? Sheesh.

And so I had to explain to Jezz again, and she was very nice about it. She came to the life monument and offered to escort me through to the GCG, and so forth.

As I reached the GCG, I managed to beat it down to find...a dull. I was disappointed and angry that Jezzara had to go through so much trouble only to get me a dull. She was nice about it, though, so I tried to get rid of my stormy temper.

How did that work? Me stomping down the beach and killing everything in sight. It's quite a stress-reliever, you know. Not only that, but the feeling of the cool sea-water, caused by those playful sprays, is very nice as well.

It would be an overall relaxing place, if it wasn't for the Vipers and the Urchins!

See? I'm still angry.

**The corner of the page is bent slightly, indicating that perhaps Ermin slammed it shut in said temper**

Why am I such an idiot? I bet nobody else has gone and attempted to hit a bigger, stronger and overall-a-death-sentence demon with a carafe! What an idiot I am!

And it all resulted in a hurt leg. And I was too stubborn to let Seph or anyone else look at it, and Lyra just tried to reason with me, and ended up saying I had a lot of fire in me. I mean, is that a good thing?!

And I'm just so tired as well! And I feel so angry! And I don't know why!

Stupid GCGs...

I bought Sylkie a Promise Ring, he liked it...that's about all the news.

I'm so tired...

Oof! I hope I wasn't too pushy, but I couldn't resist helping her out a little bit. She seemed a bit lost over guilds, so I gave her a couple of scrolls with details about my guild and a list of a few other well-known ones. She seemed a bit awkward towards the end, so maybe I shouldn't try to help too much.

Well, off crystal-hunting now. Goodbye, journal.

Ermin xxx

Seph told me where to get those beautiful roses, one of which I saw him carrying around before. I went to the sand dunes and found a small clutter of them, and picked one, large, beautiful red rose, and stuck it into my hair. I also picked a pretty white one to give to Seph as well, since he lost his own.

I can smell the fragrance of the rose everytime I turn around or move my head, and, to be immodest, I feel so beautiful wearing it! I mean, not I myself. But the rose - it's just so beautiful, it's just such a pleasure to wear it.

I always loved roses. ♥

Ermin xxx

**The page here is littered with sprinkles of water-stains, and the writing seems to illuminate a deep inner peace**

It feels good to be able to help another person, and watch that person laugh when so many marcs ago he was frowning. It feels good to be able to share a special moment - no, hundreds of special moments - with a friend so close to you that you can tell him anything.

And that's what makes me feel so happy as I sit by the fire on the Amazonian Rest and Relaxation Resort, watching Seph sleep with the brim of my hat pulled down over his eyes. Though, of course, it isn't my hat anymore. I decided to give it to him, as a memory of today, and as a memory of the special moments we shared. I told him about the history of the pansy tied to the hat, and he promised me that he would keep it safe.

There was that one scary moment in the water. We were splashing each other, laughing and mocking, when I fell into the stream. It went well, I surfaced and Seph helped me out. Then he grinned and let me go again, and suddenly I was enveloped by the water, and I felt that fear - that fear of before, on that terrible accident. And my fear of water surfaced once more, and I thrashed about helplessly underwater. Seph sensed my change of mood and quickly got me out of there, and I quickly covered it all up with a smile.

And now he sleeps by the fire, and I sit beside him. And I think of our earlier conversation, about how I said things have changed so much since I had first seen them. He didn't think it had, so maybe it's just my own opinion. When I said that people come and go for the good, I didn't actually mean it. They seem to come and go, just to cause you pain. And that pain can only seem to be lifted by days like this.

I'm sure today was just the beginning of a beautiful, beautiful friendship.

Ermin xxx

I have never taken off the cloth around my head - not ever since that accident. I'm afraid to. But I defeated my fears and slipped it off - just for a moment - to see what the scar had become. It was ugly brown line zig-zagging across my forehead. The skin around was pale compared to the rest of my complexion. Quickly, I tied the cloth back around my forehead.

This was where no-one could see me, of course. I didn't want anyone to see that nasty little thing. Not even Sylkie...in fact, to know that he doesn't know half of what I've been through is rather un-nerving...but I want to leave the gruesome past behind, not dwell on it.

It's sort of an odd reminisce, now that I look back on it. How I went through all that pain and agony and moments of frustration for a man that...that...decided to just give up loving me. It's just odd now. And everytime I think about that man, I just feel this impassive little ball right in the middle of my chest. And it widens into...what is it? Indignance? Anger? Am I still angry at him, after all the laughs we shared after our love was ended?

But...he was special. Maybe it was because he was my first love. But he's not the one I love anymore...Sylkie is my heart. Now and forever. And it isn't just words, journal...it's just so true.

But to think that, if Skyls hadn't been there...what would I have become? Would I have lost my memory permanently? It was because of him that I got it back so quickly...to think that I forgot all my dear friends...and even forgot Trip, the reason that I had lost my memory in the first place...

But that's probably the bond between me and Sylkie...I haven't told him, but I do know what it's like to lose your memory, even if it's for a short while. Too short a while, it's almost hilarious. But...I do know. And it's terrible.

So now, I remember the scar across my head, surrounded by the pale skin so terribly white against the rest of my tan. And I think - I'm lucky to have Sylkie and everyone else right now.

Ermin xxx

Working diligently and slowly towards my next level, crystal-hunting and farming at the same time is oddly satisfying. I guess being in a wonderful mood also gives its aid, hm?

I know I have better places to train than in the tombs, but I just want to get my spells. I don't care if I don't advance in levels - the spells are more important to me at the moment. And always a spare bit of plat doesn't hurt!

Maybe the thought of a future bonding helps. The thought that I'm surrounded by all my beloved friends. The thought that nothing can bring me down from this high perch in the sky. It just makes me happy.

Ermin xxx

Just a quick note...I'm sitting upstairs of Milltown inn with my beloved, who's asleep. We talked, and he gave me a massage....makes me feel giggly. He also tickled me a lot - it was just so good to see him again.

Someone just came up, and I think she's fallen asleep...maybe I should sleep as well. I just feel so happy!

Ermin xxx

I'm sitting in Cerbie's right now with Agua and Valina, and they're talking about pith helmets and safari outfits. Rather odd, hm?

I'm talking to Sylkie again and all that, and I finally plucked up the courage to ask Asrai if she could do the bonding ceremony for us, but she very nicely refused. Back to scratch for Sylkie and I, I suppose...

We'll think of someone. I'm sure of it. Who knew it would be so difficult to hold a simple bonding?

Silly Crystal Guardians...heh, don't ask where that came from.

Ermin xxx

I've been dozing a lot lately...I haven't been able to spend time with Sylkie either...and the bonding's on and all that!

We both decided that maybe we should ask Asrai if she would do the bonding for us. I can't help but be suspicious that she might not want to, but I'll ask anyway. I know the good old Slacker Queen likes me. Heh.

I should get crystal-hunting again, journal. Goodbye.

Ermin xxx